View From Window

It's half past 7 in the evening..

The sky was colored a bright orange

What a sight not to be missed

In a second, memories raced through my mind

Not wasting the beautiful sight, I grabbed my digicam, thus the birth of this page

How many times have I looked out of this window view

How many changes in the background have been seen?

This MRT track which I had taken train rides countless of times on

Yet now, how different do I feel looking at it

from a distance.. from my window...

A view so familiar..

Yet I had not grown tired of

Sometimes, it stands out gloomy at dawn

Sometimes, the colorful purplish orange brings out your down moods

The path underneath the track..

A track I take everyday

A track that leads me to the train station

How simple things build up our memories

ahh... how many simple things have we missed remembering?

Only if we can capture every moment in life

Who needs solemn moods to die with when we grow old?

Only if we can grab every moment now

We have no worries of the lack of our very own slideshows to reminisce in old age

I am still collecting and creating mine...

What about you??

Too Many Problems

Humans are prone to memory failure when problems lump in together. Problem doesn't come singly, and it's very true.

Maybe it is meant to be God's will to test human's heart and brain, maybe it's human who brought linking of single problem to chained problems.

We may not be able to prevent obstacles, but we can select better ways to overcome them.

Sometimes problems may seem more than they should. Perhaps some are not, but we made them problems.

How so? With negative outlook, every small hiccups or events grow to be a problem too big for us to solve. When the hands are full, everything else appears to be surplus.

Example:

I fixed a date for celebration for some occasion with my friends. I woke up in the morning, with anticipation to the evening. It's been a long time since we had a gathering. Many discussions were done and we settled for the best preferred dinning venue and food. Everything was expected to be well.

This day arrived; I dressed well with excitement, hoping the evening would arrive sooner. My friends and I would have a wonderful dinner and many things to talk about.

With a cheery mood, I arrived in the office, only to know that nothing went well. Orders were not fulfilled, operations were not running smooth, system shut down unexpectedly, customers were yelling, manager reprimanded me for the things not in my control. Work was lousy. It affected my mood.

When the day ended in the worst imagined way. I wasn't in the mood to even meet up my friends.

While my friends, who may have their own share of problems at work, at home. They went to the dinner as planned. I called my friends to inform of my intention to cancel the dinner. After much persuasion, and compromise, they changed the venue and time and even food, to accommodate me.

I went there and sulked the whole night thru. When I got home, my mum told me the microwave was not working well, and I flared up on this slightest issue complaining how troublesome it would be to call for a service etc etc, which could otherwise be dealt with in the slightest effort.

Result:
Not only that I didn't enjoy the dinner, I brought my friends moody atmosphere. My mum felt bad about not using the microwave properly. I felt lousy that my problems were simply overwhelming.

To Ponder:
were the incidental matters really problems?

We could segment issues and not to mix them up. If this piece of bean curd turn sour due to improper storage or whatever reason, and we mix other food in it, the whole dish would be equally bad. But if we segment the bean curd, and take other food separately, it would turn out differently. We would still have good food, while managing the bad food. Options are there, to make smelly bean curd using the sour bean curd? Or discard it all away. Objective remains same, to manage things separately, be it simultaneously, or stagger it in different time slot. Whatever we do, the other food has no inkling with the problematic bean curd, we have to be fair to the other food. Problems get solved, unless we don't want them to. We can't punish the good food with the bad food's fault.

Even in the midst of solving this problem, we need not be afraid of eating, we can still be hopeful that other good food come along the way. So long we don't mix things up, the good can remains good. Agree? hmmm... get my point?? Also reminding myself this..

Today

It was merely an expression of what I felt at that moment..

I would have failed myself if I allowed myself not even tried. If I don't tell you 'today', I am afraid if 'tomorrow' stood up on me and never arrive, I will never get a chance.

If I get pass 'today' without doing my best for 'today', I would miss out 'today', and it becomes 'yesterday', remained incomplete, and 'yesterday' was a past I can't do anything about anymore. If I put off things to 'tomorrow', what if 'tomorrow' won't come?

If I don't do it now, when?

There is not a trace of fear in me, as I have confronted all my fears. The only small fear that I have no confrontation power is.. towards tomorrow.

Now I wake up my eyes every morning, feel blessed, that I still wake up to a day. So I will live today fully. And count my blessings every morning.

When tomorrow arrives, I spend small time rethinking about today, it would still be a good day, because I have colored everyday complete.

May all sleep well tonight, wake up fresh tomorrow.

The Art of Remembering

Another teacher, a friend of long time, taught me the Art of Remembering

A friend of a long time, whom I met many years back

Was here to teach me something today

In a casual conversation, in reminiscing some good old memories of the past

He remarked of his many unsuccessful relationships

When engaged into deeper exchange of in-depth topics

A confession that he had spent all these years trying to forget me

In a state of confusion, I inquired into my personality

Had I caused so much harm then, that a person would require so much time to forget me?

My heart sank as quickly as Titanic may

What kind of hurt had I inflicted on this man, that is ruining his life?

Bucking up my courage to face my weakness and faults

I posted questions

To my amazement, I was spread with a table of compliments

I was filled with mixed feelings

Unable to hold back my desires to uncover more

I asked, why then, I am to be forgotten?

In this light conversation

We played the role of Teacher of each other

I learned that human tend to adopt the easiest way to move on

In order to move on with his lost

He believed that by forgetting me, whom he failed to 'possess'

That he believed was a regret

He was beaten down by his own pride of lost

By embracing such regret, he'd rather forget what he think is good

I ask, Why choose to forget something you think is great?

How many beautiful pictures can be painted in this short life time?

Wouldn't it be good to remember the good, and discard the bad?

Now, he has to decide what is good and what is bad

It was such coincidence that I just learned about the Art of Letting Go

So I shared my lesson learned with him

He had in turn enlightened me with affirmations of my newly learned lesson

Let go of the pride, and false beliefs

Letting go, doesn't mean forgetting

Letting go, of the right component, to enhance the holistic human mind environment

If he stops seeing me as a lost, a pain of lost

Will he be able to let go of me

Each time he thinks of me again, there is no pain, but fond memories of a great friend

The next time he speaks of me again, he is able to hold pride in such encounter of a friend

I almost regretted being good

Yet, such timely lesson of the 1st teacher, brought me to another light of wisdom

that I am able to counter this conversation better than I could

The Art of Letting Go

The Art of Remembering

I've learnt to let go too... so that I can be remembered

The Art of Letting Go

Today my 2 teachers enriched my day with great wisdom

One teacher, I shall address him as my dearest confidante

He taught me the Art of Letting Go

When I met him, he led me to my most fearful desires

A dream I hadn't been able to summon enough courage to pursue

He showed me to great light of love

Love - My ultimate desire, yet my greatest fear

Along the journey of such pursuance

He showered me with more wisdom each passing day

Today, he taught me of letting go of physical desires

In pursuit to higher spiritual attainment

In integrating this love into my life

I gradually pick up the desires of physical possession

A most easy method to secure oneself of possessing love

Such false beliefs left me thinking

I started to doubt myself of my self-worth and self-quality

I started to question myself if I am no longer good enough

This confidante, through his silent teachings

Imparted me the wisdom of freeing up the emotional distress

To let go, in order to gain more

To let go, does not mean erasing the feelings away

In letting go, are we able to love at ease

In letting go, are we able to discard physical entanglement

In letting go, are we able to love freely

In letting go of expectations, are we able to love unconditionally

He is practicing the Art of Letting Go

To let go of me, in order to love me more adequately

In letting go of me, he frees his hands, in order to embrace more

In letting go of me, he believes it's his best way of loving me

To let go, simply three words, takes a great deal of courage to accomplish

To let go of a love, requires great deal of appreciation to understand such act

When he lets go of me, I am left with options

To think that I was no longer loved, no longer worthy of love

Or, I can adopt proactive positive directions

To think that it was never easy for him to let go of me

It may be tougher a task to let go of me, than to hold me dear

I choose to understand

Here I stand up on my feet

In the act of love

I am showing him that I understand his pain

As he tries to lessen mine, I am soothing his in this gentle way I know

Though apart, the love we share formed a cushion

To guard us from being hit on the bumpy road of letting go

Love is at its greatest, when we try to love our love to his interest

Praise love

Sunday

What a good sunny Sunday!

On such a bright Sunday

what are the people doing?

Looking out from my favorite window view

I see quiet movement

Where are the passengers in the train heading?

Are they heading home?

Or are they going out for some activities?

On such a good Sunday

I am home, comfortably watching the busy lifestyle tucked away

Giving way to a relaxing Sunday

Now, doing up this page, the wind gently find their way through my this lovely window

And rest on my hair, my face and my skin

The sound of the few vehicles, running train, chirping of the birds

Reached my ears like pleasant music, reminding me of the liveliness from quiet pace

All these, enticed me to keep looking out the window

And every second, changes are taking place

Last second, I saw a couple in relaxed casual wear, held hands and walked on the pavement under the track

This second, I see a moving train passing by

Next second, what will I see?

This question... is a force that pushes me to move on

What am I next?

Who will I meet next?

How will I be next?

Hopeful of every next moment

Selfless Love

I learnt to love myself once more, discard the isolated self, and regained Self love and gradually developed selfless love.

First come first, I started to re-appreciate myself as a person who is worthy of love. Once this was achieved, I took a step further, and through a natural course, learned to provide love at zero expectation for returns.

The basic line to live a life is probably beginning from self (Intrisic). A person needs to be sufficed with love to live to the fullest. Yet, to expect love to be provided by another, is asserting pressure on own and others. The simplest way is to self-supply, by simple method of self appreciation.

The strength that love can help you along the rocky path, is not to be belittled. It made me strong. I then managed to, and wanted to love people the way I love myself. I do not instruct people how to love me, but I would rather show people how I love them. Some may feel my sincere heart, some may not. This is not too much a concern to me now. I do not manipulate people, I merely manage my thoughts. I leave people with their rights to choose to be touched or to ignore.

My concern is my ability and capability to express love.

Love doesn't hurt, it heals pain. Love doesn't punishes, love forgives. Love appreciates, and be appreciated. Love doesn't expect, love fulfills.

One of my favorite quotes:
"No one pushes the river, it flows just fine by its own"

I imagined myself gliding along the river flow, and picking up the goodness along the ride. Rocky and steep it may sometimes be, but I don't stop at the less preferred stage, I let it flows on.. As long as there is movement, there is hope for better life. Get past with the bad element, be washed by the river water, ready yourself to receive the goodness of challenges.

Choose to love life, live to love.

Review Your Attitudes

Was put on a emotional roller coaster ride today..

Well spent part of the morning, trying to figure out what, how and when I was put on the ride. hahaa

So I struggled to figure out what was the problem? and how I've got myself trapped in such a situation, whereby I can't find a solution to resolve this problem.

Ahha...!!!

What is 'Problem'?? No problem is too big a problem, until we made them one, when we amplify it. If there is really a problem, and it generates from me, I am certain I can solve it, for problems are meant to be solved. So, what if the problem can't be solved solely by me?

I am willing to solve it, but if my solo effort can't do any help, and yet the other concerned party choose to adopt ostrich problem-solving method? by burying the head to the ground and hide away, thinking that problem is non-existence by covering up own eyes...

Shall I get all upset? Or just 'let go'... It's not a problem anymore, at least it's no longer my problem.

I feel inadequate, but I need to distinguish this away from other emotions. Once get them all confused, I am on the way to depression!!

Today's ride taught me:
-Identify the owner of problem
-Identify the behavior and attitude of the owner
-Remind owner, who adopted ostrich method 'Hey, don't let mental block gets on the way'
-If gentle reminder doesn't help, try this==> 'Hey, is your head too comfy down in the ground? Get stuck by all means!'

Am I being mean? I ached too much for loser's behavior, sometimes, my subtle approach becomes a comfy bed that encourages such behavior, as they take it for granted.. Now.. I need to throw some pain on them...

Actually.. a person only review their problem-solving method, if the problem is big enough to impact them hard, otherwise, what I consider huge, may be tiny to them to even try doing anything...

Huh.. emotion coaster ride... very taxing activity... but.. really exciting, and I'm not fearful

I just need more wisdom to counter each ride

Love Exists in All Forms

Love.. No specific shape, no specific weight, no specific smell
Yet it exists in all forms

Love.. Requires no container to hold it
Requires no scale to weigh it
Requires no dog's nose to sniff it

Love.. Requires on a heart to sense it

I am still enjoying every second of being in love
With or without the physical lover
Love exists in my heart, mind and soul
It requires no efforts from my lover to prove its existence

As long as you are willing to acknowledge it
It will stay as long as you wish

If I am talking about love too much
Simply.. I am embracing love every second of my life now
It is already a part of me

We read about true life stories of people staying in love even after the death of the lover
We doubted if that really was true
I can now testify that it is true
True love, need not many
True love, one is enough to camp you through this lifetime

My love has no boundaries
Centralisation.. and everlasting

Human Book

If human life is portrayed as a book, while the events that took place in this lifetime decides the thickness of the book.

How do we conclude that a book is highly readable, in its richness, entice your interest to read on and on, hoping it doesn't end?

The materials used to write, paint, color each page of this book is highly considerable point.

How many pages does your book consists now?

How many are blank pages, slightly stained, harshly written?

Let me reveal my book to you. Read me as a book, you may find it thrilling, interesting, rich, eventful, or the adverse impact, that it's boring, uninteresting, dull and not worth a second look. The reader will have to decide on their own perception if the book is worth rereading, or regret the time wasted on reading on such material.

There are many pages in my book by now, although the few chapters timed from 1999 to 2003 were dimly, barely, scarcely filled with words. The period of this time was quiet, where I placed my life a standstill.

Some pages were pages in dark dull colored papers, written on in writing materials of inferior quality, or inappropriate materials not meant to make its mark, such as chalk, erasable ink. These pages which contain lightly impressed marks, are now likely to leave only the slightly impression in the reader's or author's mind.

On the other hand, some pages impressed readers with its beautifully decorated pages, with the most appropriate ink written with the perfect strength.

Everyone that crossed my path in life, contributed each line, each paragraph, each chapter, each page, and made up this book. What's vital is what and how they want to write my book. End of the day, do these people enhance the book with beautiful notes? Perhaps I may have edited the contents, since ultimately, I decide what qualities are these people, how special they are, or how unimportant roles they play.

Many factors result in how significant the role played by every contributors.

Some people, despite their efforts to be the lead role in my book, didn't make it to the point. Was it the wrong material used, was the paper too waxy, was it the wrong color used that didn't manage to stand out the words?

I don't know how thick my book will go, that I have to bind it up, no one knows the future, no one knows when your book is nearing the end, until the time comes.

What I do know though, is that, before it ends, I want to wrap the remaining pages with my best efforts, to the fullest. The last chapter of my book shall leave the readers the impression that lingers, until their own books end. I may not be the one to bind up the book. The people who is going to do so will have to decide if I deserve the good quality hard cover, or simply the paperback.

Some books end abruptly, perhaps the owner of the book hasn't the chance to write up in ample time, as mishaps are least expected. Some books appear dragging, as the owner fail to enhance the book appropriately. Unless without a choice, everyone has every living right to how they want their book to be like. Of cause, unfortunately, some formats are not convertible and are rigid, hence the regrets in life. However, as long as options are there, we have the opportunity to grab on it and make the difference.

Some pages of my book are stained with dirt, torn by harshness of life. There are also missing pages in my book, or blurred wordings, these pages landed in such state due to the washed out effect of some drugs that helped me went over the hurdle and darkest patch of my life.

The effects of such drugs caused permanent damage to many pages, some pages very much desirable to be damaged, while some were preferred to be unscathed.

Unfortunately, I had no control of which pages should be damaged and which should not. So along with the bad times down the drain, some good quality pages went of the book as well.

Presently, I am embracing this book of mine, to live it to the fullest, to fill in as much love as I could.

No one knows how it should end, only time will tell, only future knows.

Hold Chance in Hands

Always 'room for improvement', just flash 'chance' card.

Whenever we give out a chance to others, we are allowing ourselves to grow. Only when I confront problems with positive attitude, I can expect better understanding to be established.

Naturally, everyone has his limits, and when chance cards are used up, that's what I call 'below the belt'. As much as I would give out chance, I choose not to be taken granted for. As how low the belt level goes, well, it subjects to individual situation.Only through feedback and effective communication, both parties get a better understanding of the grounds of each other.

When the other party refused to communicate, first look into yourself, you are probably not a 'well-valued' person worth his attention. Therefore, reflect on yourself first. Ask yourself too, if this person doesn't value you, would you want to be affected by his negative attitude? If you had done all you could, to try establish communication, but the receiving party has no such interest, the objective between you and this person differs. Probably, there's no need to flash the chance card anymore, it's time to move on.

Quoting from a teacher in my high school days: "I am here to impart and share my knowledge with you, but if you refuse to receive, you are giving up your rights to wisdom, and there's nothing I can do"

Apparently, this teacher must be at his wit's end, to give out his last chance card. His words though, had resided into my thoughts. Guess what, eventually, we dated each other. Was it the statement he made that attracted me? errrr.. guess it did triggered some admiration there, but what attracted me was his wisdom. We had been good friends even after we took off the roles of lovers, until he left for Hong Kong for work, that we lost touch. Nevertheless, he's always a valuable friend.